Hakuna matata, The Sequel

My foot. You can just make out the white top of the pin sticking out from my little toe.

Schedule:

Arise at 04:30:00 (there is a point to this format)
Leave house 05:00:00
Arrive Knoxville Orthopedic Surgery Center 06:00:00
Check in with the very nice lady who is far more extroverted than me but also a morning person 06:03:00
Get our pager with test capabilities 06:15:00
Sit and chat until 07:00:00
Get paged. Pager reads, "Proceed to Pre Op" 07:00:00 (close enough)
Change into gown (keep my gym shorts on) 07:05:00
Cindy arrives in room (after being paged and texted which things is cool) 07:06:00
Answer all questions from docs, nurses, techs until 07:15:00
Sign more forms, answer same questions for third time to see if I'm sane 07:20:00
Get IV with "relaxing meds" 07:21:00
Announce to Cindy and nurse that "Wow, it just kicked in..." 07:21:20
(I'm told tonight that what my mouth said, despite what my brain told it to say, was "Hey. That man on the left? He's crawling in the window." More on this in a moment.)
Wake up suddenly 07:40:00 and ask something like "How long has it been?" Cindy: "20 minutes." "Wow...)
Nurse tells me to put my arms inside the bed and we roll and I say somethign witty about rolling out the door of the room but nobody laughs. Boorish oafs. 07:something

After that I wake up suddenly suddenly and Cindy is there (after being paged and texted that I'm in recovery) and I'm very sleepy, groggy, and not saying funny things.

Then they check me out, ask me some questions to ascertain if I'm alive and roll me out to the car and I somehow stand and get in and my feet don't hurt at all. Cool!

We get home and...oh...stairs. Sideways, slow, one at a time with Cindy ready to push on my butt. Then she says, "C'mon Grandma Connie" and I have to laugh. And I can feel Grandma Connie chuckling and saying, "See, old man?"

Then Cindy, who has by now achieved sainthood, gets me snacks, drinks, comfy things, and makes sure I'm ok because she has to go to work.

Then she calls me twice to ensure I'm ok, and I love her more each time.

Then she calls to say she's got to run to the store to get my pain killer, and some groceries. And I love her more. She asks if there's anything I want. I had already asked for ramen because the drugs always upset my stomach. Then it hits me: "Hey, I want chocolate. But I don't need it. I just want it. Whatever. If you don't get it, the craving will go away. Nah, just for get it."

She comes home with a custard filled bismark with chocolate frosting. And I love more.

And ramen.

And some pain killer. I had told the doc that I can't take hydrocodone because it makes me bad depressed and gives me hallucinations. Seriously.

Cindy looks at the bottle and it says "oxycodone". Uh oh. Is it a hydrocodon cousin or is it an oxycontin cousin? Either one is bad. She calls the pharmicist and he says it's generic percocet, which is what I had asked for. Cheap, too.

Eat bismark 16:30:00
Take percocet water 17:10:00

Wait. At 17:40:00 announce to Cindy that my feet really hurt now. She say, "Give it an hour. Takes about an hour." "Oh, yeah. Ok."

Watch "How It's Made". Feet hurt and by now I'm sick and tird of lying around tv.

She naps. Long day for her and she still has YW. And I lover her more. Her halo is glowing a bit. I like to stare at it.

16:10:00 I look over to the left and there is am an coming in through the window. Cindy wakes up and tell her to look over to the left and she does and says "What?" "The man is climbing in through the window." Takes a second but she smiles and grunts. "See? One hour."

Suddenly, "How It's Made is the single most interesting and spiritually rewarding tv show I've ever seen. I mean. Who knew the paint in paint balls is technically edible?

And I love Cindy more than ever.