1,807 miles from home.

Rode 15 miles today.

I started keeping a "music journal" of my moods when I listen to certain songs. It has really helped me understand the effect music has on me. Depending on how I'm feeling at the moment, two songs can drastically alter or enhance that mood. And, on another day, the same song will do something completely different to me. What an eye opener. Of course, you say, music has that effect on everyone. It's not the same when you are...you know...."normal". You have to understand that when you are "normal" and have a bad day or week or time or are feeling frustrated or down, you can multiply this by twice or ten or a hundred times for aliens like me. I do feel quite alone sometimes. Like it's impossible to make anyone understand the anger or the unfocused energy I don't know what to do with or the depression or blackness, sometimes all in the same week. Music is an outlet for that. I wish I had the words. There is so much good music out there. And there is music that is, frankly, written by the adversary to bring our souls into captivity. He is very good at that. But there is other music that is, frankly inspired and whether the artists realize it or not, God uses it to bring us above the dreary world.

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Have to work tomorrow. When Jamee was about Brigham's age, I worked every single Sunday managing a jewelry store. I wore a shirt and tie to work six days a week. She usually didn't see me on Sunday mornings because I got up early and left. One day, though, she was up. When she saw me putting on my tie, she was surprised and asked, "Are you going to church with us today, Daddy?" I said, "No, honey. I have to go to work." She got all proud and looked over at Cindy and said, "Daddy doesn't go to church, huh? He goes to WORK!" and was so proud of me. That's when it hit me that it was wrong. So I decided then to quit and do something else. But I had to find another job first. And in the jewelry business, when you give two weeks notice, they fire you on the spot, because you can walk out with many thousands of dollars worth of product in your pocket and nobody even knows. So when I had obtained other employment a few weeks later, I went to my boss and said, "I've found another job. I'm giving my two weeks notice." He got mad at me and said, "You know I can't do that. I have to kick you out now!" I said, "I know. See you", and left. I felt so liberated. Since then, it's rare that I've had to miss church for work. Next week I'm giving a talk in church. I'm going to incorporate some of Gramma Connie's poems into it, whatever the topic is. Everyone here loved here. Even the older sisters on the back row in sacrament who she ate lunch with all the time called her "Gramma Connie". I think, listening to this song below just now that it reminds me of her. Don't ask me why. The words don't exactly fit, but I know she'd like the song, because it's just pretty. Here's to you, Mom.