So here'r my plans today.

Did you notice my correct use of punctuation in my title above? "Here'r" means "Here are" which refers to my plural planS. This might sound weird, but it's correct. And I studied linguistics until I found out that the only job I could probably get was either translating top secret documents which I was not allowed to understand, in some inner sanctum in the Pentagon, or teaching linguistics at a university for about one third the pay I get to be wrong all the time today. Oh, and chicks do NOT dig linguists, but they DO dig meteorologists. At least it's a topic that gets some attention, which I crave. Imagine if I walked into a new ward in Elko, and they said, "So who are you? Are you visiting or moving here?" and I responded "Hi, I'm Brother Boyd and I'm a linguist." THAT, my friends and loved ones, is a conversation killer.

How ironic, that a career which deals exclusively with language should be the very thing about which no one wants to talk. (See how deftly I used correct word order and grammar there, too?)

But a career which brings snide comments, derision, and ridicule is the one everyone thinks is SO interesting.

Today I went to a ward (I won't mention which one, because I truly like it) and sat my stuff on the front left side pew. All you Mormons know what I'm talking about, because the front right side pew is reserved for the deacons to pass the sacrament. I wanted to be near the front because it's a short walk to bear my testimony. I was going to pull my line about this stranger walking up and the bishop freaking out internally because he has no idea what this guy is going to say, bless his (the bishop's) heart. Ha ha, chuckles around. Works every time.

Well, as I was walking down the aisle about 15 minutes before church, this man came up and introduced himself and I did, too. He was the exec sec and we chatted a bit. Nice guy. Then this youngish man came up and said, "I'm Bishop XXXX. Are you visiting or moving in?" I said, "Hi, I'm Brother Boyd, and I'm a linguist." And they all stopped breathing and fell over dead.

No, really, I said, "Hi, I'm Brother Boyd and my wife and I are moving here from Tennessee." "Oh, you're the meteorologist! They told me to watch out for you."

Watch out for me? Again? I can't escape it, whatever it is.

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I was talking to a few people after the meeting and one lady said, "You will love this ward. It's the best ward. We don't have any needy people or high maintenance people." No foolin'. She said that.

I thought, but didn't say, "Lady, YOU are the needy person who requires high maintenance and needs to do more visiting teaching to see where the needy are." But I SAID, "Ha ha. I AM the high maintenance person. I should move here." She smiled and nodded at me like I was some kind of two headed linguist.

Another guy came up and handed me his card. He's a home inspector. I said, "Oh, good. I want to have my own inspection even if the seller does it first." He leaned in and said, "Who are you using for a realtor?" I said, "Coldwell Banker." He cringed and whispered, "My wife and daughter work for Century 21. They are mostly LDS there. You should try them." I thought AND said, "Well, I don't like to do business with LDS people if I can avoid it. It hinders our church relationship." He frowned and nodded and looked at me like I was a leprous linguist.

I tore up his card at the hotel later. I'll use someone else. I don't like it when people assume you have to be one thing to be honest and hard working. Some of the people who ripped off my dad when he installed carpet for them were self-proclaimed good church people. When he died, the still hadn't paid him. They never paid my mom, and still have not. They think they have done well by outliving them. I'm sorry for them. They hindered my very honest, hard working blue collar dad's spiritual progress for years. Alma 39:11, "...for when they saw your conduct they would not believe in my words." Not that this man is like them, but I was put off by his implicit insinuations.

Overall, and perhaps ironically, I felt good about being there. Gospel Doctrine class was astounding. Really remarkable teacher, Sister Lamont.

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Ok, my plans are to finish up with this awful midnight shift, with it's heavy rain, thunderstorms in late winter in the Great Basin, and sleepiness, and go "home", do my laundry, work out, have housekeeping come in to change my towels and make my bed, take a nap, and then...what I always do: wonder what to do next.

CINDY! COME OUT HERE FAST! I NEED YOU HERE! I MISS YOU! I LOVE YOU! LET'S BUY A HOUSE, I DON'T CARE WHICH WARD IT'S IN OR IF IT OVERLOOKS THE DUMPSTERS AT WALMART WITH THE RUBIES IN THE BACKGROUND.

There. I feel better.